


After the Rain

by 852_Prospect_Archivist



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: Angst, Challenge: For Adam, First Times, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-10
Updated: 2013-05-10
Packaged: 2017-12-11 00:22:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/791895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/852_Prospect_Archivist/pseuds/852_Prospect_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jim contemplates life without Blair.</p>
            </blockquote>





	After the Rain

**Author's Note:**

> This was written in response to Alyjude's friend Adam's Challenge. 

## After the Rain

by Silk

Author's webpage: <http://www.angelfire.com/ny4/tinsel/>

Author's disclaimer: All things Sentinel belong to PetFly and Paramount. Not me. No money changed hands.

* * *

After the Rain 

By Silk 

"How will I live without you?" 

I love rain. It's like receiving absolution for my sins. You have to love the symbolism. Rain water washes away the little bits of grit and dirt that accumulate during our lives. Straight from God to my skin. 

Guess that's why I'm out here on the balcony, teeth chattering as I catch my death of cold. I can feel the fat droplets trickling down my non-existent hairline and into my face. I enjoy the irony. You can't see the tears I'm crying. 

And I can pretend that they're not really there. 

When my flesh is thoroughly chilled, I close my eyes and pray for reprieve. Maybe I'll walk into the living room and you'll be sitting there, looking the way you used to, an easy smile on the lips I never kissed. 

What good are enhanced senses if I don't have the courage of my convictions? If I say I never loved you, I would be lying. I always did. But I always thought there was more than enough time to tell you. There never was. 

Maybe you grew tired of waiting for a man who couldn't see the truth when it was staring him right in the face. 

Maybe it was what I always said would happen. A bigger and better opportunity came along and you just had to seize the day by the balls and choke the life out of me, didn't you, Chief? 

I don't know what I'm going to do without you. I never thought I would find out. 

* * *

Did you know that if you trace a pattern on wet glass with your finger and press too hard, it squeaks? I'm staring out the window of the lobby door at 852 Prospect. Watching the sky cry bitter tears. 

This is as far as I got, Jim. 

I can't seem to make myself cross the threshold. My bags are sitting on the mud-smeared linoleum behind me, daring me to walk away for good. But I can't move. 

I know I'm breathing. I must be. I'm still conscious. 

I wanted to hurt you. I guess I succeeded beyond my wildest dreams, huh? "How will I live without you?" That's what you said when I told you I was leaving. 

You didn't ask me why. I don't think you even cared what the answer would have been. 

What would you have said if I told you? If I just plain blurted out, I think I'm in love with you, Jim? I'm in love and it doesn't fill me with joy _or_ sadness. It just _is_. 

But I want to tell you. I want to tell you so bad, my teeth ache from clenching my jaw. 

Eventually someone will come. They'll want to come through this door. But I don't think I'll let them just yet. 

I'm waiting. 

Something is going to happen. 

* * *

I never knew that three flights of stairs could seem so endless. I never realized that carrying all that baggage was what was weighing me down. 

Weighing _us_ down. 

Once I decided to pick a direction to move, I was stunned that my feet knew better than my head. 

So I'm standing outside the door to the loft. Listening to the rain hitting the skylight. Wishing I was inside. Searching for the exact combination of words to make this all right. 

I find my key. It's hidden deep inside the pocket of my jacket. Guess I planned to take it along for the ride. How Freudian is that? Burying the key to happiness. But not so far that it can never be found. 

I open the door. I see you silhouetted on the balcony. I even know the precise moment when you realize it's _me_. 

Your head whips around and water flies off your face. You're not wearing anything but your boxers. Rain water is cascading down your body, flirting with each and every well-defined muscle, each drop a wet caress. 

"You came back." 

"Forgot something." 

Something like hope lights up your eyes. I like knowing that _I_ put it there. 

"Yeah. Couldn't leave without my happily ever after." 

"Yeah? Where'd you leave it, Chief?" 

"Right here." I get close enough to touch you, my index finger poking the spot where your heart should be. 

You grab my finger and kiss it. 

I could maybe get to like the rain as much as you do. 

End 


End file.
